Social Worker Guilt

     As a social worker fresh out of university, we come equipped with fresh ideas of how we are going to change the world, be the agent of change, to HELP people. Then give it ten years and one starts thinking about the people they have encountered over the years. Every once in awhile there is a child that crawls into your lap and camps out in your heart in the middle of all the chaos. For me it is a little one I met here. The child of a fifteen year old mother who is diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. They both needed a mother. I never saw as strong a bond as I have witnessed between these two in any family I've come across prior or since they came into my life. They were more like sisters than mother and daughter, and the point came when the daughter was gaining on the mother's knowledge and common sense. I'm not the caseworker anymore as I do just short term involvement, but this case I kept for many months past when I should, hoping things would improve. They didn't, they got worse, but yet that bond between them remained.
     I haven't seen this little one for many months, but I see her mother all the time in my local community, and despite what has transpired over the months, this mother will come up to me, all 4'10" of her and give me a big embrace. She smiles when I see her, calls me by name, and talks to me about her daughter, and how much they both liked me, that she misses me. I saw her again tonight, intoxicated, being followed around by two men who clearly were looking to take advantage of her. She came up to me again, and hugged me for more than usual. She wanted to tell me what her plans were for the night, get some food to cook for supper and go home. I knew it wasn't the truth. I felt sad knowing she would likely be going for more alcohol with these men, and end up who knows where while her daughter was raised by others. How can I help her? There is no easy answer. Her damaged brain makes it difficult to make the positive choices in her life, so she finds herself a victim over and over. Who will help her? What can be done?
     Her life story is full of trauma and ugliness, sprinkled with times with her beautiful daughter who has done exceptionally well despite the troublesome history. A bright and engaging child, smart as a whip, and charming to a fault, she captures the heart of everyone who encounters her. Her mother has clearly done many things well for this child who has beautiful manners, growing curiosity about the world. and most of all, unrelenting love for her mother. This too makes me feel sad. Will this child grow up knowing her mother? Or will she drift apart from her? Where will these two be in fifteen or twenty years when the child has grown and left the system far behind? Was there something I could have done differently to alter the path they were set upon? Was there something I did that caused the current path to continue? Will I even know what happened to them both? Not likely. It is rare that we get to hear what happens to the families we encounter over the years, particularly if as social workers, we ourselves move on to new opportunities in other towns, states, countries.
     Yes, I am feeling rather melancholy tonight, thinking about these two. I wish things could be different for them. They deserve to be happy. They deserve to live together. In an ideal world, they could be in care together, with someone helping them get through life together. I know there are programs like that around the world, but not here. Not now. My heart is heavy. I wish them well.