Oh Telstra, You Kill Me

     So I had Foxtel/Austar satellite tv since I moved into my own place back in June of 2011. It was great, I just loved it. Had tons of channels, no signal loss, good variety, I had tons of programs set up to PVR automatically and I couldn't ask for better. Then the tree grew up in front of it. The tree was cut down last year, with a tall stump of about 10 feet...the tree has regrown and is now blocking the satellite dish, and the signal started cutting in and out. There was nothing to be done about it - wasn't my tree. The dish was on the neighbor's roof as it was, and she wasn't about to let me move my dish again, or cut down the tree. So I made the hard decision and switched to the new Telstra T-Box. It was cheaper, promised to be just as good, just with less channels. Well, was I in for a shock. What an absolute piece of shit. Yes, shit. It was like all the things I hated about technology they managed to bundle into this piece of shit. Not to mention the countless hours I spent on the phone trying to get it to work, looking for the right cords, setting up the service, and so on.
     It is absolute shit. It is run on my broadband internet service, without adding to the download cost - called unmetered. Great when the internet work...sucks ass when it doesn't. The signal not only cuts out, but when it cuts back in, it stalls and waits for a few moments before coming back in. And Telstra signal is the shits...in and out all night long. So great, crappy signal. What next...well let's talk about the onscreen guide. Light grey screen with somewhat dark grey lettering that is too small and fuzzy I can't read it from the sofa. So I have to stand in front of the television to change the channel. It didn't matter what media I was watching - on demand, regular channels, or usb stick...shitty display all around. Then I found out that I could not record any Foxtel programs, just the free to air digital channels...WTF??? I was paying for a subscription with Foxtel on T-Box, but could not record? When I had a Foxtel account, I could record ALL channels, now none? Not to mention I could not search for programs. It was like a huge step into the dungeon with this POS. The menus are also awful and not user friendly at all.
     So today I made the decision to dump the stupid T-box. I had wanted to run it over with my car since I first brought it in the house. The only redeeming quality is that I could stick in my usb sticks and portable hard drives and control them by remote control instead of using my small laptop to play them, which was not remote control. Then I found out that a cheapo set top box would accomplish this as well, so off to Dick Smith Electronics I went, and $49 later, I had me a set top box. After work I hooked it up in under 10 minutes...wow. It was that easy. AND bonus - because I use a Canadian television, I've had to use a digital converter to change the signal from PAL back to NTSC...but not with my set top box - I could bypass the converter and hook it straight up with hdmi and just switch the format to NTSC on the set top box - yahoo! And the guide is very easy to read, and I can search, and still record the free to air digital channels...and the hdmi is super sweet. So I thought I'll just make a quick call to Telstra to cancel the POS...yeah, like a quick call can be made to Telstra...
     So I called the number listed on my Telstra bill...and because they were all busy, I requested a call back, promised within 30 minutes. An hour later, I explained my request to yet another immigrant who can't speak or understand English. Confused him, and then found out he could only cancel my Foxtel service, but not the T-box..so I was then transferred to another department where the immigrant could cancel my T-box service, but could not tell me how much my bill would be or where to bring my T-box back. In fact, she had me convinced that I had signed a 2 year contract and could keep the T-box because they would not take it back and even if I cancelled the service, I would be on the hook for the remainder of the 2 year contract to pay off the box. I don't fucking think so. Round and round we went, stumbling through English conversation and misunderstandings and misinformation, she explains she can go ahead and cancel it but she can't tell me just how much it is going to cost me to cancel. I explained in painful detail and repetitively that I did not sign up for a 2 year contract, and I did not buy the T-box. She agreed to transfer me to the billing department so they could explain it to me...oh yeah, sure they will. She said they will still have to transfer me back to her so she can cancel the T-box service...great, just what I need.
     So she transfers me to yet another troubled English speaker who confirmed what I had tried to tell the last one, that I did not sign a contract, that I did not buy the box, and that I needed to bring the box back to Telstra, just the box and remote, not all the cords. While I had him on the phone I asked him if I could please just cancel the bloody internet stick too as I have not used it since moving in here and getting ADSL. He tried to convince me that I bought it in August of 2011. I knew I hadn't as I was still in government housing when I bought it, and I moved out of there in May and signed up immediately for ADSL. No convincing him...but he agreed to cancel it despite the contract not being up because I was not required to pay for a lesser service once I had signed up for another internet service with them. Oh REALLY? Then why have I been paying for this damn thing for nearly 2 years when I didn't need it??? Sigh...I decided not to fight that battle today. I had won enough - Telstra gets it POS (piece of shit) back and I get to watch with my set-top box with no monthly bill and no signal loss.
    So then they have to dump me back to T-box folks to actually cancel the service...I was excited to hear an American voice on the other end of the phone - at least she would  be able to speak and understand English. Yeah...turns out that was premature thinking...she was as dumb as a bag of hammers...she tried to convince me that I did not have to return the box because I bought it...yeah...I'm gonna hang up now because otherwise I am going to start calling you names and swearing profusely...Telstra, you kill me. No wonder everyone talks shit about you.