So I've been selling most of my things before leaving Australia to move back to Canada and one of my favorite items was my sewing machine. I listed it on Gumtree (like Kijiji back home) and before long I had two very orthodox Muslim men show up to buy the sewing machine. They wanted me to demonstrate the features of the machine, and then they tried it out themselves, speaking among themselves in their own language. it was a bit surreal for sure, and I thought that was the end of the story, however it has evolved into so much more.
Some days later, I received a phonecall one evening from the wife of one of the men who came for the machine, and she said her husband bought the machine for her to sew but she had not sewn with one before and was having trouble with the stiches and the thread breaking constantly. This is a common problem when the machine is not threaded properly, or the settings are not set up properly for the type of fabric or stitching desired. She had found my name written on the box so called me to ask for help. I attempted to help her over the phone, however it was difficult as I couldn't see what she had done, and she couldn't describe accurately what was happening. I asked her where she lived and it was just one suburb away, only 1.5kms so I told her I would come over and go through the operation of the machine with her. She was quite happy about this so I drove on over and was greeted by a lovely young woman in full Muslim dress as well, without the face covering. She and her friend were trying to sew, but the machine kept breaking the threads. I had a look and it turned out they were using the embroidery stitches and stepping too hard on the pedal, so the machine could not keep up and snapped the thread. They did not want to embroider, simply sew straight stitches, so we sorted that out and the machine sewed well after that. We then visited for a time while 5 children were milling about the room, getting into things, needing their mother's attention. S owned the machine and had 4 boys aged 1, 2, 3, and 5 while the other woman had a 6 month old boy. When I told them I had been sewing for many years and that I had made many different things such as dresses, quilts, clothing, and so on, they were quite impressed. A had sewn before in India, but with a different kind of machine and had taken no real lessons. They hauled out a huge bundle of lace curtains and said they wished to make dresses for themselves out of the lace, with a lining attached. They did not have fabric for the lining so would have to shop for this. The curtains were not particularly suitable for a dress, but then we agreed it might well be a practice dress and they could buy different fabric to make the real dress. We then wrapped up the conversation and I went home. Shortly after I arrived at home, S called me and asked if I could come back tomorrow to show them how to cut out the pieces for the dress. I told them sure, no problem, given I am not currently working and finding the days rather long until I return home to Canada.
The following day I headed over and spent the day with the ladies and their 5 children while we made up a pattern for a dress by tracing around another dress onto the lace and onto a sheet I had brought to practice sewing with. I had brought a large box of crayons and some paper to keep the children busy. We saat on the floor as there was no table and chairs, nor was there living room furniture other than a couple of side tables. They had many questions about sewing and sewing tools such as straight pins and a stitch ripper. A could not speak much English so S translated for her most of the time. She could understand much of what we talked about but could not speak much other than a few words here and there. The hours passed and we were able to cut out the lace pieces and the lining pieces out of the green sheet I brought. We needed a zipper to start with so we organized to go to the shop tomorrow to purchase a zipper. Then they surprised me with some supper - noodles and vegetables, which were tasty enough but oh so hot and spicey! S said she did not put much chilli in it but it still burned my mouth. They did take pity on me and gave me a fork to eat with out of my own plate while they gathered around a big plate on the floor and ate with their hands as is the tradition in their culture. Along with my plate of food they gave me a bottle of Coke, which was rather odd, but much welcomed to settle down the fire in my mouth. At one point one of their friends came in for a short visit just before I was leaving and was insistent that the lining should be white, even after I told the ladies it would look like a western wedding dress. The ladies agreed with me, despite their friend's protests.
The next day I returned and it was agreed that I would run out to pick up some zippers and come back and sew together the bodice. They had never sewed in a zipper or used a zipper foot attachment on a machine so videoed the entire process to help them remember. They did this as well when we were cutting out the pieces. They had also spoken to their husbands about what we were sewing and the husbands found it rather hilarious that we were making dresses out of curtains. They told them they were foolish and that they would be happy to purchase nice fabrics to make beautiful dresses out of. The ladies then explained that they would simply practice with the lace and sheets so they would know what to do with nicer fabrics. S's husband told her he was going to stand her in front of the window in her curtain dress. I showed them photos of Scarlett O'Hara in her curtain dress and then Carol Burnett's spoof of Scarlett's curtain dress with the curtain rod left in. We all had many laughs over this comparison, particularly given Scarlett's dress was also green! We were able to finish the bodice pieces, sew the zipper in, and before we knew it, the day had passed again. I was unable to come back the following day because I had my apartment sale for most of the day so we made plans to continue sewing on Sunday.
We discovered that A lived just one street away from me and wanted to attend the apartment sale to see what I had for sale. She and her husband arrived at the sale and her husband spoke very good English. He told me that he was so very happy with A's mood and attitude this week as she had been very shy and quiet since arriving in Australia last year and he worried for her. He said that she has been talking non-stop about me and about sewing and how much she wants a sewing machine, so he went out and bought her one and surprised her with it that morning. A was very excited about this surprise and could not wait to get sewing with it. Then she proceeded to buy over half of what I had for sale - I did give her some great bargains as I was anxious to move things along so I didn't have to box it all up for Salvos. (Second hand store run by Salvation Army). She was very excited at all that she bought and how generous her husband was. He talked a fair bit about how shy A was even in the hospital when she gave birth to their son, and would not speak to the nursing staff. Now she is talking a great deal this week and he knows it was because of our sewing lessons together. This was a proud moment for me, to have inspired this shy woman into opening herself up and voicing her needs to her husband who bought her a sewing machine simply because it would make her happy. She also showed me a little girl's dress that she and S sewed the night before after I left, using the techniques I had showed them. A was so excited to show me a photo of it. It looked great!
I was unwell on Sunday to agreed to come over on Monday. We were able to finally finish the dress and everyone was pleased with the results. The dress did turn out well, however it wasn't anything I would ever wear. The process was more about teaching them various sewing techniques such as hems, zippers, easement, gathering stitches, finishing the edges with zigzag stitches, and so on. S tried the dress on and showed me how it looked and it fit her perfectly. She was very happy with the dress and didn't think that it looked like curtains anymore at all. I have to agree! They fed me once again, this time with potato and rice pancakes, and spicy potato and some kind of peanut sauce, which was far too hot for me, but the pancakes with potato were quite good.
All through the sewing lessons we also learned a great deal about each other and our respective cultures. Both women were happy to openly discuss what it meant for them to be Muslim women, and what the traditions were. S's husband did not want her photographed by anyone so I was not able to take a photo of her with the dress on. Instead she hung it on a hangar and we photographed it that way. Her husband also did not want photos of his children taken either, however they are able to facetime with family back in India and Saudi Arabia. S and A told me all about their traditional arranged marriages. For S, her father answered an ad in the newspaper that her husband's parents had placed, looking for a wife that was a certain height, weight, and willing to move to Australia and have children. For A, her parents met her husband locally and chose him for her. Neither woman saw their husband until after the marriage ceremony when she would see him for the first time. There was also a dowry that was expected from each bride - usually their bedroom furniture, and a certain amount of clothing - saris. Both women spoke about how strange it would be to have a "love marriage", and that they trusted their parents to chose a good husband for them.
When I went back to sew for the third day, the desk we were sewing at was moved to another window. I was told that the window we were in previously faced the mosque and that other people could see in through the window and S's husband did not want her to be seen. While we are in the house with just other women and children, they are not required to cover their face, and seem quite happy to take off the chador as well, so have just a head scarf on with their saris. S then explained to me that there are only four types of men that can see her face and hands - her husband, her father, her brothers, and her male children. There are also very clear rules about who may touch who as well. Her husband must not touch any other woman than his mother and sisters and his daughters. He is not permitted to touch his sister-in-laws or to speak to them, and S is not permitted to speak to or touch her brother-in-laws or her father-in-law. He is also not permitted to touch any of his neices on either side. I realized I came close to breaking those rules when I shook A's hand as she came to my apartment sale, I was going to shake her husband's hand but immediately got a read that it shouldn't happen, so backed off. Good thing too as I wouldn't want to offend him or my new friends.
We also had a discussion about the idea of sewing and how S's mother-in-law was very unhappy that she was learning to sew as she felt she would not be able to sew and to look after her four children, and wanted S to give up the sewing because her grandchildren were more important. I was happy to hear that S refused to do this and assured her mother-in-law that her grandchildren were well taken care of. She said she had to tell her mother-in-law that I gave her the machine, and that no money was wasted on it. She then told me that she had to confess this to her husband who was unhappy for the lie, but will not make an issue out of it with his mother. S told me her mother-in-law wants to know every dollar that is spent and must approve of her daughter-in-law's purchases when her husband was away. It just so happened that S's husband was in Canada for meetings for the rest of the month. She spoke about feeling quite lonely with him away as it is too difficult to get out with her four young children, given she does not yet drive. She would like to learn so I encouraged her to seek driving lessons as she said she already knows her husband will be yelling the instructions! I told her this is pretty common among western couples as well. She chuckled at that.
We also talked about how they feel when westerners do not want to be near them, shy away, won't talk to them, and think they are terrorists. I told them that while I understand there is a great deal of racism in Australia (it is quite ridiculous at times) but I think part of the issue is that most communication among westerners depends on body language and when the entire body, including the face, is covered - we cannot easily tell if they even want us to speak to them, whether they are happy or sad, and if they want to be approached. It was interesting to note that while outside the home and among men who are not in their four categories of being permitted to see their face and hands, they are fully cloaked from head to toe, but then at home, the face is uncovered as are the hands, and at times the headscarf slips off while working and it is not immediately put back on, and both ladies were breastfeeding and just whipped out their breasts to feed the babies, sometimes taking care to lift their headscarf over the breast, but not always.
The ladies had many questions about western women and had no idea what dating meant - they thought it only referred to sex, so I explained that one a little better, although many dates may end in sex, heh heh, and how things have changed over the generations with regard to our own traditions of marriage, virginity, sexual education, chaperoned dates, etc. It was so interesting to speak with them, and I think both sides were quite uninhibited in our questions which was great. I was able to gain a very unique inside look into their culture with no judgement imposed by either side, simply an exchange of information among women. A's husband commented while at my place for the sale - how do you know what she is saying when I do not speak Urdu (their language). I told him simply - we women have a short-hand that trancends the spoken language and I had come to know his wife over the past week as we spent many hours together (6-7 each day!). Much of our communication had been hand guestures and I've always been pretty good at interpreting body language, and she has had her face covering off all week while we were together. When she arrived at the sale, she took it off immediately.
The ladies wish to know how to knit next, so I will spend more time with them. They also want to send to India for a sari for me, and have invited me to come back to visit the day before I fly out so they can do henna on my hands as a going away present. Lovely!
These last months have been very lonesome for me and often times quite a struggle to get through each day with my anxiety however spending time with these ladies this past week has been an amazing adventure and I am forever grateful for having met them and taken the time to show them what I could. They presented me with presents yesterday, a bracelet, earrings, scarf pin, and a shawl, all from Saudi Arabia.
